Holiday Smiles and Silly Families

In addition to being the week before Thanksgiving (yay) this is also the week that people in my extended family start Christmas shopping. (Not me, I’m busy cooking/working two jobs/raising three kids/you know, stuff) But that does mean that everybody wants the kid’s Christmas lists. This works for me, as a kid extended family (ie people who you see two times per year) would never have a clue enough about my personality, likes, dislikes, or shoe size, to actually get me anything I wanted/could wear/would use. As a grown up, this means we can spend those weeks in December returning crap, or (the option I prefer) actually hanging around/getting to know (this year’s version) of those family members. So each of the moms makes a list, and then emails it to everyone. Honestly, this is usefully for those of us who see kiddies all the time but can’t keep in their head their own kid’s shoe sizes, much less other people’s.  These lists were started when I was in high school by one of my aunts. What is less helpful (IMO) is that these lists became like a newsletter of sorts. You know “Tilly Mae is now a Junior in High School and is {of course} still making straight As. She enjoys volunteering at the local homeless shelter, and has time to do that despite her busy school/band/choir schedule due to the fact that her father and I decided we prefer to fund her activities {because they made $100s of thousands of dollars per year and could do whatever} rather than her having an afterschool job. She recently won an award for Excellence on the Field {which was awarded as a participation award, I remember asking her} with her soccer team this year as they made their way to the season finals {no mention that they got in as an alternate}Go Eagles! She has always been a joy to us and we approach her last two years before college with the mixed feelings of those who are as proud and blessed as we and will miss her terribly.” This is the same cousin who that year I caught smoking pot on the front stoop of my mother’s house while everyone was inside. They would go on and on, these newsletters, and then have a list at the end of overpriced gifts none of us could afford to purchase.  So when I started making lists for mine I will put a brief “Hey, how are ya’ll” at the beginning and make applicable personal comments in the actual lists. I mean, if you mail (on red or green paper, natch) or email me a 3 page diatribe, what will we talk about when we all get together, right? So I sent out our list yesterday, after 2 request texts (one while I was at work) and then a reminder text a day later. I have since then been told that I should share my letter here, because “this is cracking me the fuck up” as I was told.  So I have changed actual personal info using {brackets and fake names}, but figured, what the hell? Hope it makes you giggle a little this morning as well…

Back by popular demand! A Christmas list (or maybe just inspiration guide) for the kiddos here. Thank you in advance for sending me your kiddo’s list as well (ahem) if applicable. We are looking forward to seeing everyone around Christmas time this year! If we haven’t gotten together and nailed down a time, please text/call me/email me/send carrier pigeon/something. I really am hoping to see all of ya’ll soon (& force you to take home copious amounts of baked goods), so let me know. Also, since this stuff ends up changing all the time (are some of you trying to be cyber anonymous? Or perhaps you just don’t like Christmas cards? 😉 ) My contact info is listed here, please reply with any updates of your own. I did try to make this list as clear as possible, but since you don’t have the benefit of being inside my head (lucky you!) let me know if anything requires further clarification. I asked the kids to be cost conscious when making their lists (some are better than others, as you will see) feel free to ignore overpriced items or donate towards them. Again, I feel, and am (still) trying to convey that the getting to see family and friends, the fellowship of the season, celebrating a  birthday, and the joy of giving are Christmas, not who got what from whom. Please, keep that in mind as you go about shopping this year. We love you and are truly looking forward to seeing you.


Address: {you may send an e-card, but I prefer no strange visitors, that I’m not related to}

Cell Phone: {also, do not call me}

Email to phone (ie you want me to read it NOW-in important & capital letters):


Email to computer (ie you have attached things & want me to be able to see them on a nice eye soothing full screen, and it can wait till I get home & put people to bed-or the weekend):

Email at work (ie we are almost sending an IM, but with links & it is happening Monday through Friday 8:45am to 4:45pm EST): {ormyworkemailnosey}  or {alsonot thisone}

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!  (yes I am excited, time for dancing, I do believe…)


BoyChild I:

Plasma Nebula Ball (a link here:  Doesn’t have to be this one, this is an example of one.)

Legos (Esp, Star Wars)

Lava lamp in black, green, blue (or another “soothing” color)

PlayStation 2 or Nintendo DS games

Tennis Shoes (size 7 ½ Men’s) Because he keeps 1 pair at school for gym & wears out tennis shoes fast!

Money towards the purchase of a Nintendo DS (his broke & he is trying to save enough to replace it)

I just replaced all of BoyChild I’s clothes (since he grew 6in & gained 28lbs over the summer!) So he is good on clothes right now (give it till say, February & then he’ll be naked again lol)

Bathrobe Boy’s XL or Men’s S (size 14 in boys clothing)

Stress Balls (he goes through these during the school year)

Pair of sturdy work gloves (for outdoors work/gardening/etc) Men’s S

Giant Floor/Body Pillow in dark green, navy or khaki (please not white-he really is going to lay on this in the floor! Or Dark brown-Will has one in that color & it’d be best to keep them identifiably separate. Lol)

Books (Enjoys genres/reading level like: Red Wall series, A Series of Unfortunate Events series, Percy Jackson series, Hardy Boys series, lots of fantasy/mystery/adventure)


BoyChil II:


Books (Enjoys genres/reading level like: Flat Stanley series, BFG & other Roald Dahl books, Captain Underpants, Boxcar Children, any funny books, he is not a fan of fantasy/mystery or adventure-ugh, I know- there is a great list here: )

Playground Ball

PlayStation 2 or Nintendo DS games

Pillow Pet (specifically the Dream Lites Snuggly Puppy)

Huge Ben 10 & any “classic” superhero (Batman, Spiderman, Captain America, Hulk, Flash, Wolverine, you get the idea) fan

BoyChild II spends a lot of time pretending to be one of the above, any “props” or costume pieces would also be great ideas as those things get worn out fairly quickly around here & he & K-man are constantly running around in ½ costume & creating sound effects/destroying bay guys/etc.

Bike Hemet (Children’s M)

BoyChild II is also good on clothing (what with all the hand-me-downs)



iPod Touch (or money towards her saving up for one)

Cookie Monster, Elmo, or Oscar Snapbacks with a flat bill. (I think these are hats, but I’m not nearly hip enough to know what that is exactly)

Studded Belts (any color/pattern/etc) Size Women’s M

1in curling iron


Sports Bras (34C or Women’s M)

PlayStation 2 or Nintendo DS games

Books (Enjoys genres like: Twilight series, Undead and Underemployed series, YA romance-please be content aware, Mom thanks you-, Flipped, “girl power” type stories)

Jeans size 5 or 6

GirlChild just got a new bed that is a twin with a twin sized trundle, all of her bed linens (in addition to being horrifyingly-her words- childish)are double bed sized. She still likes pink, purple, green, yellow, etc, just doesn’t want to sleep with her fairy/Bratz/Princess blankets anymore. Any contribution would be welcomed, even gift cards to Target to pick out her own.


Merry Christmas all!



Do you have (or have you received) Christmas lists/newsletters/ etc this year? Maybe one from years past? Do share; I would love a chuckle as well. Hope you have great weekend!


Freedom from Adults Interfering in Play Time

Happy Fourth of July everyone! This post is about freedom for kids. Freedom from Mom and Dad and their (well-intentioned) interfering ways. As Americans we keep encroaching on childhood, we chip at it, “improve” it, “enrich” it, basically in the name on “in your best interest” we don’t let kids be kids anymore. This post wasn’t actually originally written as a 4th of July post, but it did strike me as appropriate for today. So happy Fourth & have a safe and happy holiday!

A friend of mine and I the other day were talking about Superheroes, and the lack of female superheroes. We could list maybe ten or so, I’m referring to traditional superheroes, like in comic books. Women like Wonder Woman and Storm. Then it occurred to me that the flip side of this missing character was also true, there are very few real characters (I mean developed characters with personalities past “he slayed the dragon and rescued the princess”)of male hero status in traditional Princess stories. Think about it, we could come up with 10 female superheroes, from the boy-centric Superhero world, but we could only name 1 (Prince Charming- and how the hell is that even a name?) hero from the girl-centric world of Princesses. Now, she and I both grew up exposed to regular American pop culture as little girls (perhaps her slightly less than me, but that is another story entirely), we read the stories, we played what we read and saw, just like any normal kids would. We have chatted many times as adults about our different but similar childhoods, she a home-schooled smarty (whose not at all socially awkward for the record), me the product our public school system (who is smarty enough to know I wouldn’t want to be in a battle of smarts with this lady). We also grew up in different places, different birth orders, etc. The point is, despite all these “big” differences, we played about the same. This got me thinking about kids playing, and how as adults it’s the big thing to make sure we have equality for the sexes (especially girls right now) we work at it, we get into internet fights over it. People blast Lego for pink Legos and all the Princesses for being too whatever it is that they are too of. (I think the answer is girly, but then you aren’t supposed to say that). We analyze cartoons for cripes sake. This heroine isn’t strong enough, she’s too focused on being pretty. That hero is all ridiculous muscle and chauvinism and violence. There aren’t enough fill-in-the-blank with a race/religion/culture/body type/gender/you get the idea characters for kids to relate to. My Mommy blood is getting all boily just typing about the injustice of it all. But then I Really thought about it. Yes, some of those are legitimate concerns, but why do we, as grown-ups think we know better/can do better at the one thing kids will always be better at than adults? Play. Play is the world of kids. They rock at it. After our conversation the other day, I’m definitely going to back away (not disappear, but stop interfering so much)and let my kids play.

Why? I realized that it all really does get made equal when you add a child’s imagination to whatever form the story came in. How many times in your childhood was Barbie’s wedding to GIJoe disrupted (ie made more interesting) by the horde of marauders (various action figures like Ninja Turtles of He-men in my childhood) riding in on their vicious steeds (My Little Ponies)? Or the oversized cardboard box the new fridge came in that started as the box car for the Boxcar Children, then morphed into a dungeon where a pair of evil witches held a young prince captive for years (or until Mom got that box the hell out of her living room and into the trash)? What about the bicycles that were timid plow horses from Little House on the Prairie one day, raging winged beasts from some dark world I can’t remember the name of right now the next, and then they were the tough horses of cowboys (and cowgirls) who might rob a bank one morning then rescue a dog from a burning building that afternoon? This is how my kids play too. There were three of us, my brother, my sister, and me. I was the oldest (ie the best/a bossy little bitch), my brother was the youngest (ie the baby/ poor kid who put up with a lot) and my sister in the middle (ie the classic middle/abused from both sides). We played pretend constantly. No matter the original inspiration for our play, we always made it ours. If we needed villains, we were villains. If we needed heroes, we were heroes. None of us cared what the original gender/race/stature of the character we were being was. We played boy parts and girl parts, all three of us. Sometimes we died, sometimes we made miraculous recoveries, sometimes death played no part in the game at all. But that’s kind of my point. We just played. (and fought, but mostly played) Do you have a little princess at home? Watch, if you leave her be, she’ll also play the roles of evil witch, good witch, hero rescuer, maybe even the dragon. Do you have a little superhero? If you leave him alone, he might also be the evil mastermind, the scientist who cures the plague, a sorcerer (good or bad), the injured prince rescued by the princess, or even the bear cub. If you have ever watched kids really play you will see this, there are plots, there are character developments, there is intrigue, drama and morals running through their play. They don’t need (or even really want) us to equalize it for them, they do it on their own. The two sisters who take turns playing the bride or the groom, the two brothers who take turns being the rescued or the rescuer, they do it better than we ever could. This past Christmas I bought my youngest and his cousin a giant bin that I filled with “pretend stuff”. They love it. They can be anything from postal workers to firemen to cooks, and several things in between. I did avoid the pink cookware (I found black, which looks like real cookware and stops making it girl/boy stuff), but those two put on chef’s hats and “cook” up a storm. It’s great to watch them come up with ideas.

I guess I just wanted to put my two cents in on the whole parental “fixing” of play-time. I realized, outside of safety issues, I need to get the adult out of playtime. What do you think? Where do stand? Should we just let them be kids or should we continue this battle to make everything the same? Are we doing more harm than good? Let me know what you think.

Afternoon Pool Silliness; or “You grabbed my nipples!”

On Monday our pool here at the hotel opened for the summer. (And then closed yesterday, because it rained? I still don’t understand that, but whatever.)We had a blast, an all day at the pool sort of day. As RedBird and I were sitting beside the pool monitoring the cousins in the pool we kept laughing at the extreme silliness (or maybe our own immaturity) at what was happening in the pool, or better what was shouted/squealed across the pool. So here it is our play-by-play of silly things said at the pool:

*Side Note: Our cast of characters for the day are: RedBird, my SIL, mother to K-Man, and Aunt to my kids; K-man, my 3-year-old nephew; BoyChild I; BoyChild II; GirlChild; and me Mama. *

The Scene: Older 2 children are playing/teaching/generally harassing BoyChild II the classic Marco Polo, in a smallish hotel pool that only goes from 3ft to 4ft 6in in-depth, all of them can swim to varying degrees of proficiency.

GirlChild: Marco

BoyChild I & II: Polo

GirlChild: (moving towards BC II) Marco

BoyChild I & II: Polo

BoyChild I: This water is hard to get friction on!


GirlChild: What?

BoyChild I: I can’t run, no friction

GirlChild: That’s not what fri- never mind, tag you’re it!

BoyChild I: Hey! (irritated face) But I couldn’t get enough friction.

(argument ensues over the definition of the word friction) (back to our game…)

BoyChild II: Marco

BoyChild I, GirlChild & K-Man: Polo (one of these persons was not actually playing, he was standing on the steps laughing his fanny off about confusing the other kids)

BoyChild II: Marco

BoyChild I, GirlChild & K-man: Polo

BoyChild I & GirlChild: Hey! You can’t peak!

BoyChild II: I didn’t mean to!

Mama: Play by the rules, or no one will want to play with you.

Mama to RedBird: Every time they say polo, he opens his eyes because he’s startled, watch…

BoyChild II: Marco

BoyChild I, GirlChild & K-man: Polo (BC II jumps & opens eyes in shock, than quickly closes them)

(laughter from the sidelines)

RedBird to Mama: It’s like he can’t believe how close they are to him

K-man: Polo

BoyChild II: Marco

BoyChild I, GirlChild & K-man: Polo

(BC II grabs at/tags his brother blindly)

BoyChild I: Hey! You grabbed my nipple!

(giggles ensue from where the “adults” are sitting)

Mama: (trying to go for a serious voice & completely missing) Don’t grab you brother’s nipples.

(game falls apart shortly after that)

GirlChild: I’m getting out, you guys are ridiculous. (something she has been accusing BC I of since she was about 2-years-old) Mom, can I go back to the room?

Mama: Yes, hang up your swimsuit & towel.

Boy Child II: Look at meeee! (jumps in pool)

BoyChild I: Something sharp I stepped on.

Mama: You ok Yoda?


K-man: polo

BoyChild I: I don’t think I’m bleeding…

Mama: Yup, you’re fine.

RedBird: She going to go talk to her bf on the phone?

Mama: Probably, she’s still 14 and all.

K-man: Polo

RedBird: True, I remember that…

K-man: Polo

Mama: Think he’ll be yelling that all day?

RedBird: It’s better than the swearing…

Mama: True, true

BoyChild II: Who wants to see my ball?! (standing on side of pool)

(raucous laughter from boys)

Mama: What?

K-man: Polo


Mama: Do you mean cannon ball?

(giggles from the “adult” section)

BoyChild II: That’s what I said. LOOK EVERYBODY! LOOK AT MY BALL!

(jumps into pool)

K-man: Polo

(the afternoon proceeds in this manner, with ice cream & re-sun screening breaks until supper)

One last random thing shouted throughout the afternoon in public:

My trunks are farting! Look see the bubbles?! (yay boys)

What ridiculous/embarrassing things have you or your kids shouted out in public recently?